Preconceived Notions
by Ayriel
Summary: He was the teenage super sleuth; the sole savior of the Tokyo police force. They thought that his logic was infallible, but they were wrong. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Detective Conan.

Text in _italics _is a flashback.

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**Preconceived Notions**

Kaito put his hand on Shinichi's shoulder, and his face was sympathetic. "It's not your fault," He murmured, his eyes never quite meeting his look-alike's. "No one's perfect. Things like this happen."

No, Shinichi thought, looking down at the slab of concrete. They didn't. Not to him. He was the former teenaged, now adult, super sleuth; the Great Detective of the East, the savior of the Tokyo police force. He didn't make mistakes. He wasn't supposed to. Ever since his first official case on that airplane, Shinichi had never met a mystery he couldn't solve. He had had a perfect track record… until now.

"I'm supposed to be," Shinichi whispered, his arms prickling from the cold though he never actually felt it. "They expect me to be. I _want_ to be."

The wind whistled behind them, and the brown and orange leaves of fall danced in the air. Occasionally they scraped across the sidewalk or became trapped in windowsills or wedged under car tires. As Shinichi watched, four sandy brown leaves were blown against the tombstone he was in front of. Shinichi read the inscription again: _Moriyama Hideko. Father, husband and son. You will be missed._ His throat constricted and he fought away tears. Hideko should be with his family right now, not rotting in the ground. And it was Shinichi's fault he was here. His hands clenched into fists.

_He_ had been the detective at that crime scene, the one who closely analyzed every clue, every piece of evidence; the one who intensely questioned every witness and suspect. He was the one who, upon arriving, was given free reign of the crime scene without any interference by police. Shinichi was the one who found that stray strand of hair, that tiny carpet fiber. He was the one who connected the dots and announced a Moriyama Hideko as the killer. The man denied it – vehemently – but Shinichi was convinced. The detective continued to reveal the evidence and even the killer's method, his eyes hard with determination and that trademark smirk on his face. Shinichi led all police present through the moments up to Tsukatani Mai's death, and Inspector Megure watched with pride and total conviction, confident that his golden boy could do no wrong.

Shinichi had thought so once, too.

"Kudo, really, you're bein' too hard on yourself." Heiji frowned, sliding his hands in his pockets. He, too, wouldn't look at Shinichi. Was it shame, Shinichi wondered? Was Hattori as disappointed in him as he himself was? Maybe Heiji thought his friend had lost his spark... "So ya missed somethin'. It's horrible, but it's not your fault. Shit happens. You couldn't know that Kuzo had tampered with the crime scene like that."

Shinichi narrowed his eyes. "But I was supposed to. Don't you get it? Detectives are supposed to observe every angle, every viewpoint. Detectives don't leave any rock unturned-"

"_I hate you," The little girl hissed, her tiny fingers curled around her mother's hand. She was promptly shushed and dragged away by her family, but the hate in her eyes was etched into his brain…_

"An' ya did turn over every rock. But one rock was a fake..."

_Ran gazed up at him with wide, disbelieving eyes, holding the receiver away from her mouth. "It's for you," She mouthed, and there was something pitying about her expression. Shinichi brought the phone up to his ear while his wife looked on, her arms wrapped protectively around his waist…_

"'The temptation to form premature theories upon insufficient data is the bane of our profession'," Shinichi recited mechanically, closing his eyes. "Sherlock Holmes said that."

"Damnit, Kudo, you're _not_ Sherlock Holmes!"

_Megure's deep voice rumbled in Shinichi's ear. 'Kudo-kun, I have some bad news…'_

"Besides," Kaito said with false cheer. "You did catch the real murderer in the end!"

'_Three more people were shot to death today, using the same method from the Tsukatani case…'_

Shinichi hung his head. "People are still dead, though… deaths I could've prevented, but I caused them instead..."

'_Shinichi,' Megure said remorsefully. 'Moriyama wasn't the killer.'_

'_But couldn't it be a copy cat?' Shinichi sputtered. That was eight years ago!' _

'_It all checks out. Kudo-kun, we've found something… you should come down here right away...'_

Shinichi had made a mistake. In his confidence, he had pieced together a perfectly plausible crime, one that no one questioned. But it wasn't the only possibility, and most importantly, it wasn't the right one. He had missed that one piece of evidence that would clear a middle aged family man from suspicion, and ensure the arrest of a cold blooded killer.

_Shinichi's heart was in his throat. 'Then what about Moriyama?'_

_A silence. 'It's too late… I'm sorry, Kudo-kun…'_

Eight years after Moriyama Hideko was sentenced to death for the brutal massacre of twelve people, he was hanged in Tokyo's detention center. And just a day after the execution was announced, the killings started again.

"Sick bastard," Heiji hissed. "Who waits _eight years_ to kill people just to incriminate one guy?!"

"It doesn't matter! I should've been able to tell the difference-!"

_The case was opened again. Shinichi attacked the job with renewed vigor, determined to make up for the horrible act he had caused. He frowned as Inspector Megure held up a transparent plastic bag, filled with carpet fibers stained with blood. But these were different than the ones Shinichi had found originally; these were from a different crime scene entirely. The house where the more recent murderers had been committed. _

'_I see it now,' Shinichi mumbled after a few good hours of research, his tone resigned and not at all triumphant. 'Kuzo. It was Kuzo all along.'_

_Megure turned to him, his eyes tired. The complete trust, the utter confidence... was gone. _'…_Are you sure about that, Kudo?'_

Shinichi had made the worst, if not the only, screw up in his career. With his personal connections to the police, perhaps the whole thing could've been kept under wraps… but a mourning family wanted closure, and a persistent media wanted answers. The ridicule, the criticism, the hate he could take – the public was always fickle in their praises, anyway – but what haunted him every night was the realization that, because of him, someone had been killed. Wasn't his job to help _prevent_ murders? Wasn't he supposed to help catch the criminals so the innocent would sleep soundly at night?

Instead, indirectly, Shinichi was the one with someone's blood on his hands, and ironically, it was killing _him. _

"You know, since we're quoting fictional detectives here…" Kaito frowned, finally looking into Shinichi's guilt-stricken gaze. "I read something once by Agatha Christie – don't look at me like that Hattori, I _can_ read -" The magician cleared his throat, glancing down at his feet. "I remember one quote from a novel of hers… '_Dogs are wise. They crawl away into a quiet corner and lick their wounds and do not rejoin the world until they are whole once more.__'_" He smiled softly at Shinichi. "You'll come back from this, Shin-chan. You're the great detective of the East, after all. We all make mistakes and do wrong by people sometimes - I know that better than anyone – but that just proves we're human. Part of growing up is learning how to forgive and move on. Not just other people, but you have to learn to forgive yourself. It may take awhile for you to heal your wounds, but it will happen. And then, you can go back to being the kickass detective you are. You can't give up. Maybe you weren't able to save Moriyama, but think of all the lives you _can_ save but won't just because you're feeling guilty." He clapped Shinichi on the back. "It's still possible to atone for your mistakes." Kaito blinked and turned to his Osakan friend, feeling the man staring at him. "…What? Is there something on my face?"

Heiji gaped openly at him. "…That was… oddly profound of you, Kuroba."

Kaito grinned, bowing with a flourish. "I'm packed with infinite surprises."

Shinichi scowled. "What if I don't want to heal from this?" He murmured, staring down at the grave again. "What if I want to spend the rest of my life feeling like shit for contributing to an innocent man being killed?" He looked up at his friends. "Don't I deserve that, after what I put his family through?"

"No," Heiji said curtly. "You don't deserve to be condemned, Kudo. And, whether ya like it or not, we won't let you be."

Kaito nodded in agreement, folding his arms. "Damn straight." He waggled his eyebrows. "I'd perform a heist in a loincloth first."

Heiji and Shinichi glared at him simultaneously. "If you pull something like that again," Heiji said deliberately, "I will kill you. Slowly, and painfully. I don't care if they throw me away forever; you _will_ be beaten senseless with a blunt, rusted object."

Kaito held his hands up in a placating manner, backing away. "Hey, you're the good guy, remember? Plus, that was a special case. I only did that because you questioned my sexuality!"

"And you thought you could prove me wrong, by dancing around in a _loincloth_?!"

Kaito shrugged. "No one ever said I was… ah, the most practical person in the world." He grinned, throwing his hands up. "But that's why you love me!" Heiji grunted several rude things under his breath, and Shinichi had to crack a smile. "But anyway, I'd gladly do it again, if I thought it could free Shin-chan from his continuous angst fest."

Shinichi slapped a hand over his eyes, grimacing at the flood of images Kaito's comment caused to surface. "Please, for the love of God, don't! You'll make me feel worse!"

"Ah," Kaito gestured wildly at Shinichi. "Behold, Hattori! I have transformed Shin-chan from depressed to disgusted in ten seconds flat. You _have_ to count that as an improvement!"

"Fine," Heiji deadpanned. "Ten points for you." Placing his hand on Shinichi's shoulder, Heiji softened his tone. "Let's get out of here, Kudo. I'm freezing my ass off, and I promised neechan that I'd get some food into you. You look like a telephone pole."

Shinichi glanced down at his body, wincing as he noticed just how loosely his jeans hung on his waist. Guilt didn't do much for one's appetite, after all. "God, do you really think I'm that helpless that I can't feed myself, Hattori?"

"You've proven so thus far. Now come on, Kuroba's payin'."

"Hey!"

Shinichi was silent for a long moment, and Heiji and Kaito were actually afraid he would reject their invitation when he finally spoke. "Go on back to the car," Shinichi instructed. "I'll be there soon. I just have to take care of something first."

Heiji and Kaito shared a glance before they reluctantly agreed and headed in the direction they had come. The wind howled again, and the leaves crunched underneath him as Shinichi plopped down in front of Moriyama Hideko's grave.

"I'm sorry," Shinichi whispered, closing his eyes with his head hung forward. "I know that saying that doesn't change anything, but I have to say it anyway. I was just a kid, then. I was too arrogant and overconfident, and you ended up paying the price. You were punished for a crime you didn't commit, while the real killer ran free and killed other people."

Shinichi looked up at the sky; a pale gray, blended with the soft white blur of clouds. "I never quite agreed with the death penalty – how does more killing solve anything? - but somehow, I justified it as a necessity. I figured that it was a good thing, that criminals that had committed the most heinous of crimes should be prevented from hurting others, no matter what it took. Sometimes murderers get released early for good behavior, or they never receive life in the first place… then once they're out of prison, what's preventing them from killing again?" He sighed. He felt silly talking to a grave, but somehow, he knew Hideko could hear him. Ghosts Shinichi definitely didn't believe in, but who's to say there weren't people looking down on him from heaven? And, were the two things really all that different?

Shinichi lay on his back, watching a flock of geese fly past. "Needless to say, I've made up my mind now. The death penalty is an atrocity. I'm just sorry that someone had… I'm sorry that it took ending your life to make me realize that." His eyes strayed to Kaito, who had inconspicuously stuck a plastic pair of bunny ears on Heiji's head. "This whole mess has made me question a lot about myself. About my ethics, about my responsibility as a detective, about who I am as a person. I've been so good at what I do - and no, that's not me being full of myself – I guess even though I always make an effort to know everything about a case, I've never even given the thought that I could be wrong. Just a subconscious thing, I guess. …Did I mention how sorry I am?" He sighed. "Ever since I found out a month ago, nothing's been the same. I don't want it to be. I've always set myself out to be the best, to be the perfect detective. To be the real version of Sherlock Holmes. But I guess Hattori is right – Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character. Of _course_ he doesn't make mistakes. He never had someone's death on his hands, and now I do." Shinichi closed his eyes and, for a moment, simply enjoyed the feeling of a fresh autumn breeze against his skin. He could feel a heavy burden lifting from his shoulders the more he spoke, and yet a small part of him wanted to keep it with him forever. Didn't he deserve it? Shinichi considered stopping at that point, but the complete... _rightness_ the moment gave him changed his mind.

"…I can't bring you back to life. I can't change the fact that I screwed up. But I promise you – I'll do everything to make it right again. I'll take a break for awhile and pull myself together, and then I'll go back to detective work. Not because I want to, because right now that's the furthest thing from my mind, but because I have to. Kuroba is right when he said-" Shinichi furrowed his eyebrows. Had he just admitted that not only Heiji, but _Kaito_ was right? He really was out of wack. "I need to keep helping people. I have to do what I can." As he had been laying there and talking, more leaves had blown over the flat headstone, and Shinichi quickly brushed them away. "You know, I talked to your wife. I saw her at your funeral. I didn't mean for her to see me, but she did." He sighed again, running his fingers through his hair. "I expected her to slap me or curse my name or both – your daughter sure did - but she did something entirely different: she _forgave _me. After all that, she forgave me." Shinichi chuckled without humor. "She said, and I quote:

_Kanna smiled at him, her blue eyes shining with unshed tears. They were already red from all the crying, and she was reluctant to succumb to anymore displays of grief. Especially not in front of this man, who carried such a large burden of guilt on his shoulders. _'_Kudo-kun,' she began, 'Deceiving and betraying are sins, but being deceived or betrayed are mistakes. I'm upset that my husband was killed, but _you _didn't pull that lever, Kudo-san. If anything, I blame the government. If there were no death penalty, then perhaps the evidence you found later could've freed my husband from jail..._

_She squeezed Shinichi's hand lightly. '__Despite what the public may think, you aren't a God, and you make mistakes. Perhaps I want to be angry, but I won't let my pain turn me into something horrible. Hideko wouldn't have wanted it that way.'_

Shinichi shook his head in disbelief. "Can you believe that? You have a wonderful wife, Moriyama-san. I can tell she really loves and respects you. It'll be hard, but I know I have to continue my work. There are lives I need to improve, people I have to save and things I have to atone for. But when I return to work, whenever that is, I won't be perfect. I never was, and now people don't expect me to be. I won't try to shoulder the responsibility on my own. I'll rely more on Hattori, Megure-keibu, and the police when I solve a case. I guess that's one positive thing that has come out of all this…"

"Oi, Kudo!" Heiji was leaning against the hood of the car, wearing an impatient expression that was utterly ruined by the bunny ears wiggling on the top of his head. Shinichi congratulated himself for keeping his face neutral. "Hurry up! It's nearin' rush hour an' I'm _tryin' _to save money on gas."

Kaito grinned as Heiji's rabbit ears turned into an actual _rabbit_; a baby floppy-eared one who was now nibbling on the man's hair. Kaito snickered, and Heiji turned to glare at him, oblivious to the domestic creature feasting on his follicles. "What?" The magician asked, looking the picture of innocence. "I find it ironic that you can spend thousands to customize that bike of yours, but you can't spend a few extra bucks on gasoline."

Heiji rolled his eyes. "You're only sayin' that because _you're_ not payin'. You know how much a barrel of oil costs these days? Well let me tell you somethin'-"

Shinichi sighed and groaned as he heaved himself up from the cold ground. Brushing dirt and grass from his pants, he called out to his friend and rival. "All right, all right, I'm coming." He eyed the bunny on Heiji's head warily. "Uh… doesn't your head feel a little… heavy?"

Heiji glared daggers at him. "Are you callin' my head big, Kudo?"

Shinichi exchanged a glance with Kaito, who was just out of Heiji's line of vision and had his hands clamped over his mouth as his shoulders jumped up and down. "No… not at all. It's just… never mind."

"But… hey." Heiji and Kaito both were gazing at Shinichi with earnest concern. "You are okay, right?"

"No," Shinichi grunted. "But I will be." He opened the passenger door and slid in as Kaito and Heiji did the same. "It would really help my mood if I had a chocolate milkshake, though."

Heiji nodded. "I agree. Thanks, Kuroba, for buyin' us both lunch an' dessert afterwards." He turned and grinned at Kaito, who was lounging in the back seat. "I really appreciate it."

Kaito grinned back. "No problem," He chirped. "I'd do _anything_ for you, Hattori-kun... Nice hat, by the way."

Shinichi finally lost it. He clutched his sides and busted out laughing, but Kaito maintained his clueless expression. Heiji narrowed his eyes at them. "What are you talkin'-" He reached up to touch his scalp, but made contact with a fuzzy rabbit bottom instead. "What the…" The dark-skinned man pulled the creature from his head and held it out in front of him. The bunny wiggled his nose at Heiji and then proceeded to chew on his shirt sleeve. "-hell?!" A low growl reverberated in his throat. "_Kuroba…!!_"

Kaito cackled. "Aww… look at that, Hei-chan! Mr. Fluffykins _loves _you!" That set Shinichi off again, and he and Kaito continued to laugh as Heiji cursed and stuffed the baby bunny is his shirt pocket. It stared up at him with big brown eyes.

"That's okay, Kuroba," Heiji said lightly, starting the engine and maneuvering his car down the winding dirt road. "I've always wanted to try rabbit stew, anyway."

"Mr. Fluffykins, _noooo_!!"

Shinichi snickered, wiping tears from his eyes. He looked out the window as his two friends argued some more, and his face sobered as they passed the graves. There was someone else standing at Hideko's grave now, but whoever it was, they were staring right at him and – Shinichi's eyes widened.

"_**STOP!"**_

Heiji slammed on the brakes, and everyone lurched violently forward as the car came to a stop. "Kudo!" Heiji shouted. "What the hell?!"

Shinichi whirled around in his seat and stared. The tombstones looked as dull and melancholy as ever, but now there was no one standing there. He shook his head. Had he just imagined it? Or maybe the person had disappeared behind a tree or something…

"Kudo? Damnit, answer me! What did you see?"

Shinichi frowned. "Nothing," he murmured, though his gaze did not move away. "I thought I saw someone standing at Hideko's grave, but I guess I imagined it."

Kaito shook his head. "See? _This _is what happens when you don't eat for three days."

Heiji groaned and pressed lightly on the gas, giving the man in the passenger seat odd looks the entire time. Shinichi sighed and closed his eyes. Maybe he really _was_ going crazy. Maybe it was true what everyone was saying, and Shinichi Kudo really had lost his touch.

Because just now, staring at the tombstone, Shinichi could've sworn he'd seen _Hideko_.

"Fluffykins," Heiji said mockingly. "What kind of name is that?"

"A good one," Kaito replied with a nod. "He's fluffy, isn't he?"

Maybe Shinichi had been dreaming. But if he hadn't been, he got the idea. Hideko was trying to tell him something.

'_I forgive you,' _He could hear Hideko say, and in his mind he was smiling. He had been smiling at the grave, too. He had been wearing the standard prison clothes – the clothes he had died in, Shinichi figured - but there was an aura of peace and calm around him unlike anything Shinichi had ever seen, or felt, before. It was humbling.

"Thank you," Shinichi whispered, pressing his face against the cool glass window.

Did Shinichi _actually_ believe that ghosts were real, and they walked amongst the living?

He didn't know what to believe in, anymore.

"Hey, Hattori, Kuroba. Do you believe in ghosts?"

"No," Heiji replied automatically, giving Shinichi his 'are you joking?' look.

"Of course," Kaito chirped. "You think people just die around you two by coincidence? Please. You're being haunted by the spirit of Satan."

"You _are_ the spirit of Satan," Heiji deadpanned, and Shinichi snickered again, though his face grew solemn. No, he didn't have all the answers, and he didn't have all the solutions. There was a lot that he just wouldn't be able to know. Somehow, he'd have to learn how to deal with that.

It would come to him in time.

Owari.

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Author's Notes:

Aw… poor Shin-chan. –plays world's smallest violin- Shinichi's a great detective, but even he can't know _everything_. Even he has to make mistakes, but I've never seen an episode where he ever gets his deduction wrong. Sure, at the first half he's all: "Hmm, no it can't be that, it has to be that," but before the commercial break you see the little lightning bolt and… "Of course! Why didn't I see it before?!" Sadly, this mistake led to someone innocent getting killed. Oops. Now, I have no idea what Kuzo-bastard could've done that would've fooled even the great Shinichi Kudo, but I surmise that whatever it was, Shinichi won't let it happen again. After he recovers from the shock, of course.

...FYI, capital punishment is legal – and highly supported – in Japan. Now, about my opinion on the death penalty… like Shinichi, I'm kind of in the middle, though I lean more towards being against it. I don't think anyone should have the right to end another person's life,_ especially_ since the justice system is as flawed as it is. Sadly, people have been convicted and put to death only for it to be discovered that they were innocent afterwards. Horrible stuff, that. Yet I understand the counterargument as well. What if a murderer or rapist is released from prison, only to commit the same crimes again? And those who get life in prison could be considered a 'drain' on the general populace… it takes a lot of tax money to keep a convict alive, after all. Of course, it's not as bare bones as that, but… ah, sorry. I didn't mean to get on an ethics rant with you guys. But be this a lesson to you all – don't just accept something you don't support! Stand up for what you believe in, no matter what! Stand for change! –stands tall with hands on waist, a U.S flag waving in the background-

This line: _'__Deceiving and betraying are sins, but being deceived or betrayed are mistakes,' _and the following speech was paraphrased from a dialogue I read in a book - Extreme Danger by Shannon McKenna. Ironically, it's an adventure romance novel... i.e., an erotica. xD Just a heads up, in case you want to read it...

This has been a public service announcement. Feedback greatly appreciated!


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